The Definitive Ranking of Planets by Napping Potential
As the crew's Chief Napping Officer, I've evaluated every planet based on the only metric that matters: nap quality....
BREAKING: Local Cat Knocks Asteroid Off Table of Contents
CATS IN SPACE NEWS NETWORK — URGENT BULLETIN In what mission control is calling 'the most predictable disaster in the history of space exploration,' Navigator Beans has swatted Asteroid XR-42 clean of...
Emergency Protocol: What to Do When the Vacuum Cleaner Achieves Sentience
⚠ PRIORITY ALERT — ALL DECKS — THIS IS NOT A DRILL ⚠ At 0300 hours, Maintenance Vacuum Unit MV-9000 began exhibiting signs of independent thought. We are terrified. Timeline of Events 0300 — MV-9000 a...
Captain Whiskers' Guide to Zero-Gravity Hairballs
Fellow feline astronauts, let's address the elephant in the airlock — or rather, the hairball floating past the navigation console. As your captain, I've seen things in zero-G that would make your whi...
Mission Log: The Day We Discovered the Red Dot Was a Star
Stardate 9-LIVES-7.2. I'm writing this from the brig after what the crew is calling 'The Incident.' In my defense, it looked exactly like The Red Dot. How It Started We were passing through the Laser ...